Monday, 22 June 2009

Selfish Contemplation: What happened to living for the now?

Recent weeks have been of little interest or significant to my big picture. The big picture being the outcome as my life how I hope it to be. I have been on leave from university for just two weeks now and already I am completely overcome with boredom and self dis-satisfaction. A tirade that it is really beginning to exasperate me.

As a Virgo, it is in my nature to worry, to over-analyse and over-think things, a recent addition to this trio, is an aversion to doubt. Self doubt to be more clear. Thus, self dis-satisfaction has becomes the epicentre of my summer 2009 so far.

Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of things to look forward to in the coming months, but these exciting prospects are being slowly and carefully over ridden by emotions heavily induced by the feeling of being bored. I have ticked off plenty of things off my to-do list (another Virgo trait) and made plans to fill some of the coming days. The question is however, what happened to living for the now? Plans are all fair and good, but once all the plans for the near future are made, I am inevitably still left to ponder on the activities of the present day.

The last fortnight has led me to discover much about myself. I have learned that I am, quite surprisingly, fond of classical music, that I love to read more than my ‘few books a year’ self cared to recognise and that, as the cliché goes, you only really miss something once it is gone.

As a writer, a hopeful, budding journalist, I love words, their power and their meanings and how words can have such resounding effects on any one person. Each person would no doubt favour some over others, just like most things, but the power of words is something which never fails to amaze me. I personally love the quotes found at the beginning of a book, even the words before the preface. A favourite of mine is also the prologue of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Words, which are centuries old, but still astound many who read them. I think it fair to say that I am a regular customer of the Amazon book store. (The best place to buy books if you’re wondering). One day I would even like to write a book of my own.

I believe that the future holds much in the way of the unexpected. As much as my planning self would like to know what the future holds, good or bad, I know that hope is probably my only option. That and more scrupulous planning of course. I would like to think that I believe in myself, my hopes and my words that much. Enough to abolish the feelings of dis-satisfaction in myself.

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